KNOCKING DOWN FEAR

We have gone down to Base camp for the second-last time. We will try to recover some energy before the last attack to the Himlung’s summit. We are waiting for the weather forecast, which comes from Kathmandu, to make sure the weather will be good enough. We will have to stay here for two more days at least. Maybe three. They seem way too long in any case. Waiting hours generate a too wide space in your mind, which at this stage of the expedition, tends to be full of negative thoughts. One thinks about what we lack, about what we miss. You think about the comfort you take for granted in your daily life: heating, a bed, a hot shower, your favourite meal… And, of course, your loved ones: your family and friends, the people you would like to share this great experience with.

Two Italian guys who tried to reach summit a couple of days back have just arrived. One made it, but the other had to stop some one hundred metres before reaching the summit. This last one has his nose badly frostbitten. There is a South Korean expedition beside our tents. Only two out of the eight members have reached summit and one of them got his cheek badly injured by the cold. Yesterday a helicopter rescued a Chinese climber whose fingers were seriously hurt. I feel really scared in the mountain for the first time.

I’ve never felt this kind of fear before. Sometimes you are scared because fear helps you survive. That’s the kind of feeling I`ve had while hanging on a rock wall or an exposed edge. Those places where a bad step or the wrong grip can cost you. But I feel the panic prior to ascensión, the panic that paralises me, that stops me from even trying. This is the fear I must overcome. I need to put it aside to go forward. Not only in the mountain, but also in life. Who hasn´t felt afraid of leaving a job which they didn’t like? Who hasn’t experienced fear to break up or start a relationship? Any personal or professional growth makes us leave our comfort area and enter uncertainty. In two days, maybe three, we will carry our backpacks again to knock down that fear step by step.

José Manuel Barquero